


Stalling CIA Agent GrumpyFace

by SuchASeeweedBrain



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Federal Agents, Derek and Stiles are assholes, Derek and Stiles are partners, FBI Agent Derek Hale, FBI Agent Stiles Stilinski, Humour?, Kind of crack-ish, M/M, Stalling CIA Agent Blake, there's not a whole lot of plot here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 08:06:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11226810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuchASeeweedBrain/pseuds/SuchASeeweedBrain
Summary: Stiles and Derek are tasked by Allison to keep CIA agent Jennifer Blake busy. So they do what they are both very good at. Annoy people.





	Stalling CIA Agent GrumpyFace

**Author's Note:**

> I borrowed parts of some dialogue from NCIS LA.  
> I'd like to think this is somewhat funny, not heavy on the Sterek.

Allison had given them one task. Stall the CIA agent as long as you possibly can, she cannot come looking for me. Stiles had taken the task happily, Derek had just rolled his eyes, but Stiles had had enough experience with his eyerolls to be able to tell the difference. Derek liked stalling people. Things got even easier when the CIA agent came in. Stiles hated her on sight. She was pretty, sure, but cold and she looked at them like she was clearly superior to them. Also, the way her eyes slid over Derek made him want to punch her. She didn’t even introduce herself, even though Boyd had already informed them her name was Jennifer Blake, Stiles still found it rude.

‘I was very specific when I told Finstock I needed to see Argent.’ Even the way she spoke sounded like she was talking to a bunch of toddlers. Challenge accepted.

‘She’s on assignment.’ Derek shrugged, leaning back in his chair.

‘What about her husband?’ The CIA agent sighed.

‘Scott?’ Stiles played dumb.

‘Does she have more than one?’ The fake smile Blake tried wasn’t even the slightest bit convincing.

‘I don’t know. Does she?’ Stiles turned to Derek with a frown.

‘I don’t think so.’ Derek responded with an impressively casual shrug.

‘That’s cute. You two really think you can stall and keep me here all day?’ Blake narrowed her eyes at them, setting her hands on her hips, school teacher style.

‘I don’t know, can we?’ Stiles grinned back at her, folding his arms behind his head.

‘How are we doing so far?’ Derek asked, tiny smirk visible now. ‘We’re just trying to help you agent Blake.’ He added innocently.

‘Officer Blake.’ She snapped. ‘And you two can’t help me, actually you could probably help me.’ She leered at Derek.

 ‘Hmm, wow nice.’ Stiles snorted at the innuendo.

‘You don’t even look like you could help yourself.’ She sniped back, she wasn’t bad at the whole insulting thing, that was easy to see.

‘Meow.’ Derek said, raising a thick eyebrow at Stiles, who looked back with wide eyes.

‘O, was I just insulted?’ He asked, putting a hand to his heart dramatically.

‘I don’t know it sounded pretty insulting to me, definitely condescending.’ Derek made a face like he had to think about it real hard, Stiles responded without missing a beat.

‘Almost disdainful.’

‘Borderline supercilious.’

‘Well I’m definitely supercilious so you got me there.’ Stiles got up from his chair, moving towards the coffee machine and fridge. ‘Point to point Dexter. High five.’ He held up his hand as he passed by Blake. Before she even had a chance to respond he ducked his hand away from her and went to grab a mug from the cabinet behind her. ‘See ya later.’

‘You’re interfering with a federal investigation.’ They were really getting on her nerves now.

‘But we are federal investigators.’ Derek tilted his head like a confused puppy. It was a great look on him.

‘Wait a second now I’m confused who’s on first?’ Stiles asked Derek.

‘Keep it up. But even that overgrown PE teacher you call a boss won’t be able to save your asses if you screw the pooch on this one.’ Blake snapped at Stiles, giving him a withering look over her shoulder.

‘Overgrown PE teachers, screwing pooches, what world do you live in?’ Derek asked as Stiles grabbed a carrot from the fridge after putting his coffee down.

‘Hey wanna see me dislocate my wrist?’ He asked, and then he took a big bite from the carrot, munching on it loudly.

‘O! You should see this. It’s totally cool, and gross.’ Derek gave her that grin he only used on people he was trying to manipulate. Stiles had seen that used on many poor unfortunate souls that were between Derek and the thing he was after. Blake huffed out an irritated breath and turned away from them as she pulled her phone from her pocket and dialled. It wasn’t important who she was calling. Stiles sat down on the table next to Derek. Stiles smiled slyly at Derek, as Blake’s superior seemed unbothered by the fact that she was getting nowhere with them. As she hung up and turned back to them with a new tension in her shoulders, Stiles figured it was time for part two.

‘Just out of curiosity what if I wanted to join the CIA?’ Stiles asked, tilting his head.

‘Oh he’d be a really good spy, he’s very sneaky.’ Derek told her, nodding his head.

‘I prefer stealthy.’ Stiles leaned in and stage whispered to him.

‘Okay he’s very stealthy.’ Derek adapted smoothly.

‘Also I’m a master of disguise.’ Stiles leaned back, his most annoying grin on his face.

‘Oh you should hear his Jack Sparrow impression. Uncanny.’ Derek leaned forward, faux excited.

‘Uncanny.’ Stiles repeated, just to be annoying. ‘ _Captain_ Jack Sparrow on a cold day, who’s going to see that coming?’ He asked.

‘Psh, not me “Helleu it’s Captain Jack Sparrow.” and then bam!’ Derek’s “hello” almost made Stiles burst out in laughter. His accent was terrible.

‘Bam! Except that sounded a little bit like Mary Poppins.’ He told Derek. Derek managed a overdramatic insulted look.

‘What? Helleu.’ This attempt was even worse.

‘Helleu.’ Stiles responded in an equally ridiculous accent.

‘Helleu.’ Derek parroted him

‘Helleu have you seen my ship I’ve lost it again.’ Stiles finished.

‘You’re both quite comical, but you know what’s really amusing? You think that by stalling you’re keeping me here, but in reality I’m keeping the two of you here.’ Blake looked somewhere between pissed and furious, but managed to keep her voice under control.

‘Oh. What? See what she did there? She did the double reverse thing on us.’ Stiles called out.

‘That’s good.’ Derek told her. ‘She’s good.’ He added to Stiles, just for good measure.

‘Now see that’s what I’m talking about. Central intelligence training, teach me that.’ Stiles grinned widely at her.

‘Oh yeah me too.’ Derek added, leaning forward on the table. ‘And if we both join together can we get like a signing bonus?’ Derek’s grin was positively shark like. Blake was just about to respond when Allison came in, the folder in her hand told Stiles all he needed to know. She got the evidence. Case closed bitches.


End file.
